One thing that I had to learn was the power in my femininity.

I grew up with beautiful examples: my mother has always prioritized her skin care and looking her best, my aunt actually founded a pagent, and my grandmother never owned a pair of pants or tennis shoes until she was in her late 60s… and she still only wore them to the airport. By the age of 7, I was no stranger to mask nights, pedicures, and beauty and self love mantras in the mirror before bed.

So, naturally, a lot of people are confused when I tell them that I was actually pretty tomboy-ish (because my mother would never allow me to be a full on tomboy LOL) all the way up until college. Growing up with male cousins, and being insecure about my burns, being skinny (and then skinny with curves in high school, if that makes sense) I dropped a lot of the feminine practices and chose to do and wear things that would stop people (mostly little dusty boys) from looking at me. I traded in my Angora sweater, which I literally donated to Goodwill (don’t tell my mom!) for my cousin’s hand-me-down sports jerseys.

It wasn’t until I was in college, away from home and learning more and more about myself each day, that I started to reclaim my feminine energy. It was in college that I first started wearing actual makeup, and carrying a purse daily. I loved being comfortable in my skin and being able to wear what I wanted and not worrying about whether my breast were garnering unwanted attention. At this point, I was starting to really learn myself, and come more into my womanhood and everything that that entails physically, mentally, and emotionally…

After graduating from college I had my first child, and while a new baby is often when we as women start to lose balance, I didn’t. I maintained my self care and my femininity with a whole lot less money 🙂 (because I had no clue that diapers were that expensive before hand). I maintained my skin, I exercised and “snapped back” relatively quickly, my hair was flourishing (until wasn’t… damn post-partum shedding) and I was feeling good.

Fast forward to my second pregnancy 6 years later, and things are drastically different. I had a pretty miserable pregnancy. I was physically sick, and mentally and emotionally drained.

“Just have your beautiful baby, and everything will get back to normal”

or so I thought… My job was still demanding when I returned, my son was just as energetic, my relationship was extremely strained, and any signs of putting myself first had completely diminished. I got to a place were I almost never took care of my hair, I barely had time to wash my face let alone time for a mask. I hadn’t had a manicure or pedicure in who knows when, and a waxing appointment?!? PUH-LEEZE, just sign me up to play Chewbacca in the next Star Wars…

This went on for a few weeks, then a few months. I had completely lost myself. I was happy to be able to just brush my teeth and get a cup of coffee in the morning, let alone the extravangance that it took for me to maintain my self-care and feminine rituals. I knew I was too far gone when my mother came over to my home, listening to me while I cried and vented… holding a diaperless baby that did what babies do… she peed on me.

I just kept crying and venting…

“Are you going to change your shirt, at least?” my mother asked.

“I just don’t have the energy or the time” I replied.

This is the place we as women, as mothers, that we can never allow ourselves to get to. Making time for your mental health, and your physical upkeep is not selfish.

There is always time… SCREW THOSE DISHES, THEY WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.

As someone who often takes on the world, and doesn’t like to stop until I can officially check it off of my list, it is really hard for me to not do everything first and put myself last. Sometimes we view this as a noble thing. In reality, it’s just kind of stupid. Gone are the days were mom has to be the martyr, throwing her self (or her waxing appointments) into the flames so that she can stay home to do everything else for everyone else.

This is not healthy.

On my journey of reclaiming my femininity, I’ve gotten back to all of the things that I love to do. I am reading, getting (or doing) a manicure, taking care of my hair, meditating, taking baths, shopping, saying my mantras and affirmations, and going out to have fun with my family. I had to take a step back and realize that I am striving to be the best partner, mom, employee but not striving to be the best Sea! Everyone else got to say that they were pleased with me, but when did I get to say the same?

NOW! That’s when!

I can’t be the best mom if I am depressed. I can’t be the most loving girlfriend if I’m crusty and worn out. From now on, I do what brings me joy. I surround myself with energies that help and nurture me, not hurt and drain me. Not just because I want to, but because I have to.

-Sea

Have you ever “Let yourself go”? What do you like to do to recharge your battery?